who is hiding in his...  

super ghetto and totally hacked...  

donk wanna be Yugo with...  

a slight problem in the..  

engine compartment, as it sometimes...  

makes a wierd ticking...  

noise, almost as if something...  

has pissed off the squirrel...  

that lives inside of the...  

engine compartment as replacement for...  

the motor and all the  

wiring and electrical systems that...  

WHAT WE HAVE SO FAR:::

I just bought another truck off of craigslist. It is gonna piss my wife off so much. Oh well, I’ll take her shopping, hoping she doesn’t look in the garage and see my new rims and see that I sold her washer and dryer to my ex, who now lives nextdoor, she loves my truck. I’m gonna dump it at my buddy’s shop for bags and a body drop, but not before Hill’s Hot Rods of Texas robs a 7-11 in it.

Now the cops have my friend Jason bent over the hood of the cop car searching for the stolen Snickers. The cop was Jason’s cousin Albert, whom he had just beat the snot out of. So Albert was lookin’ for cash to pay for the surgery on his nose since Jason had broken it in three places with a crow bar, which had “slipped” while trying to open a door of a 2001 Ford Pinto Wagon to retrieve a case of stolen TWINKIES that had gone bad. The twinkies were the least appealing thing in the world. But hey, they were FREE!

Speaking of free, I stole an albino spider monkey while I was on vacation with Paris Hilton’s mom in the African nation of ZIM BOB SHOCKWAVE, during the annual running of the caribou. Albino spider monkies are very cute and furry, but also are very moody, known for flinging poo at ugly trucks, especially trucks that have no winshield wipers for monkies poo. this story has gone sideways.

Anyway, I was working on a plan to fix up this old datsun that I just bought off of craigslist. I decided to cut off the stock frame at the fire wall so I can make it really low, but I didn't have a plasma so I used the Steak knife I got from bed bath any beyond for carvin mom's thanksgiving turkey. Using a steak knife for...  turkeys, good,.. frames, bad, but it was all I had so away I cut, until I slipped and cut the cab off, so now its unbelieveable, i know but I'm body dropping it anyway so who cares about bad fabrication. I just duck taped the crap out of the frame to try and put it on the ground, where it would be safe from the local gang members, who often steel truck parts and twinkies and put them on craigslist where Hill’s Hot-Rods of Texas… bro that was six words…

Sorry, numbers confuse me, anyway while searching craigslist for parts I found a sweet lookn  finger painting of spider monkeys in this awesome twin turbo chop top astro van with a chain link steering wheel and it came with free gas so i drove to  mexico, and watched a donkie mate with a chicken, then reupholstered the astro for 50 pesos, its gold crushed velvet and feels so smooth against my huge, big, fat, sweaty, english bulldog's skin. He liked the shag too, but it gave him a wickid rash So I traded him for THIS HOT GIRL THAT I just met at a show. Her truck had broken down so I offered her a ride home. But, I had crushed velvet which made her get in the mood for so lovin'. But what I really loved and wanted was some chili fries, mmmmm chili cheese fries, smothered with fresh diced onions, this is going to remind me of my good times with bulldog, Ben who ran beside my BMX as we clowned on skaters before eating chili cheese fries. I need Ben back, so I need to find the nearest fire hydrant or a time machine and a cigarette to be able to get back to when i was Young and stupid, just like I still am now, only now i have only one leg, because my other leg was lost in time but it is ok because now I get so much Compliments on my really cool flat black, turbo charged lawnmower with spoke wheels and curb feelers, and it gets me tons of chicks because the lic. plate says PUSY WGN. By the way it's the fastest mower around. I cut old mrs whither's hair with it too, and In return she gave me the nicname floyd the barber which in france stands for still want my dog back. I put up posters saying “need chick or dog now” and the first reply was from a girl dog and midget with fleas and she said to me dont fear the body drop and then she offered me my old dog Ben back!

so ben's back and I'm happy cause now I can return to body dropping my mobile home on 28"s and and cruisin for chicks with my mobile home crew called rcbg which stands for Really Cool Big Guys.

Then after that I think I will start on the lawn art that i've been thinking up for the past generations of the elite family. This art will be a collection of all my creations using only grass and invisible all around lubricant, which I use to slide the grass into the ...what are we talking about?...  

uummmm...anyway my truck is going to be the sickest truck ever, cause I am not holding back this time. I am going to begin with the first ever truck to have a real C-notch on the front but upside down for the tandem control arm for the rocket propelled twin turbo supercharger setup for people that dont have enough *** to just drive a jet powered razor scooter or a tricked out Toyota Prius donked out on 28's with the meanest, gnarliest, loudest exhaust, but is not as big in diameter *** as the entire new line of 50" sterring wheels, but it is made of billet unobtainium that react adversly to heat and cold thus causing the billet to sweat & freeze simultaniously and cause your hands to become stuck to the wheel like glue, but you can easily steer with your new, improved lean, mean, automatic voice activated spider monkey from page 3 and if that doesnt work spider monkeys do order pizza with your choice of side dish and drink, so with delivery in 30 minutes you won't have to miss the Snap On truck which would result in going to another SOAA meeting and having to trade truck parts for more interesting versions of legit excuses why not to buy tools from overpriced tool vendors on wheels like snap on... Snap On truck...where???   Down by the river, but not in a van.

speaking of rivers, i found four 24" tires floating by with a huge piece of chocolate cake, which was odd because fish tend to like yellow cake with lots of yummy old tire bits on top, but this time tire bits were substituted with little bits of toxic of Mike's new truck interior Which made the fish vomit up something that looked like little plaid seat covers but it smelled more like peanut butter and jelly with lesbian midgets dancing like furious little crazy old people with one little old pimp yelling "Get over here, you gave the dog Viagra now make him stop attacking the pizza delivery guy” *** *** who is hiding in his super ghetto and totally hacked donk wanna be Yugo with a slight problem in the engine compartment, as it sometimes makes a wierd ticking noise, almost as if something has pissed off the squirrel that lives inside of the engine compartment as replacement for the motor and all the wiring and electrical systems that  

control the great big, huge  

supercharger, causing the squirrel to...