I need Ben back, so...  

I just bought another truck off of craigslist. It is gonna piss my wife off so much. Oh well, I’ll take her shopping, hoping she doesn’t look in the garage and see my new rims and see that I sold her washer and dryer to my ex, who now lives nextdoor, she loves my truck. I’m gonna dump it at my buddy’s shop for bags and a body drop, but not before Hill’s Hot Rods of Texas robs a 7-11 in it. Now the cops have my friend Jason bent over the hood of the cop car searching for the stolen Snickers. The cop was Jason’s cousin Albert, whom he had just beat the snot out of. So Albert was lookin’ for cash to pay for the surgery on his nose since Jason had broken it in three places with a crow bar, which had “slipped” while trying to open a door of a 2001 Ford Pinto Wagon to retrieve a case of stolen TWINKIES that had gone bad. The twinkies were the least appealing thing in the world. But hey, they were FREE! Speaking of free, I stole an albino spider monkey while I was on vacation with Paris Hilton’s mom in the African nation of ZIM BOB SHOCKWAVE, during the annual running of the caribou. Albino spider monkies are very cute and furry, but also are very moody, known for flinging poo at ugly trucks, especially trucks that have no winshield wipers for monkies poo. this story has gone sideways. Anyway, I was working on a plan to fix up this old datsun that I just bought off of craigslist. I decided to cut off the stock frame at the fire wall so I can make it really low, but I didn't have a plasma so I used the Steak knife I got from bed bath any beyond for carvin mom's thanksgiving turkey. Using a steak knife for...  turkeys, good,.. frames, bad, but it was all I had so away I cut, until I slipped and cut the cab off, so now its unbelieveable, i know but I'm body dropping it anyway so who cares about bad fabrication. I just duck taped the crap out of the frame to try and put it on the ground, where it would be safe from the local gang members, who often steel truck parts and twinkies and put them on craigslist where Hill’s Hot-Rods of Texas… bro that was six words… Sorry, numbers confuse me, anyway while searching craigslist for parts I found a sweet lookn  finger painting of spider monkeys in this awesome twin turbo chop top astro van with a chain link steering wheel and it came with free gas so i drove to  mexico, and watched a donkie mate with a chicken, then reupholstered the astro for 50 pesos, its gold crushed velvet and feels so smooth against my huge, big, fat, sweaty, english bulldog's skin. He liked the shag too, but it gave him a wickid rash So I traded him for THIS HOT GIRL THAT I just met at a show. Her truck had broken down so I offered her a ride home. But, I had crushed velvet which made her get in the mood for so lovin'. But what I really loved and wanted was some chili fries, mmmmm chili cheese fries, smothered with fresh diced onions, this is going to remind me of my good times with bulldog, Ben who ran beside my BMX as we clowned on skaters before eating chili cheese fries. I need Ben back, so...

I need to find the...  

nearest fire hydrant or a  

time machine and a cigarette  

to be able to get  

back to when i was  

Young and stupid, just like  

I still am now, only....  

now i have only one  

leg, because my other leg...  

was lost in time  

...but it is ok because...  

now I get so much....  

Compliments on my really...  

...cool